Because I Said So – Dad Edition – Everything and the Kitchen Sink

photo credit EraPhernalia Vintage (catching up) via Flickr

For this week’s ‘Because I Said So’ MammDJane and I will be answering a question submitted by Badger Momma. She commented on MammaDJane’s blog and asked 3 questions.  They all centered around the same topic.

Badger Momma questions are in italics and my answers are below that:

1) What’s your take on making dinner and clean up? Should the person making the dinner be exempt from cleaning up? Should the other person be on clean up duty? Should it fully be a shared duty? Should husbands and wives trade off? Should each person be required to at least carry their own plate (after having dinner) to the sink area?

Okay you can stop the charade, I know this is my wife.  Just kidding, I went a looked at her blog and that is not my wife (I watched the Mingle Monday Video to make sure).  90% of the time my wife makes the dinner.  The other 10% of the time is split with 5% of the time is me going through the drive thru (I know father of the year award to me) or 5% of it is me microwaving or making a quick meal that I know how to make.

My wife always cleans up.  It is not because I am allergic to cleaning.  It is not because I don’t know how.  It is because she prefers it that way.  My wife has a certain way of doing stuff and doesn’t want me near the kitchen sink.  When my wife started working 20-30 hours outside of the home, I offered again and was shot down.  I am required to carry my own plate to the sink.  Right side of the sink and not under the dripping faucet I have not fixed.

Your question seems to allude to that you want your husband to help out.  Men have a way of compartmentalizing things.  If it is not brought to our attention then we tend to ignore it.  I would suggest talking not yelling or nagging to him about it.  Don’t bring it up when you just finished cooking and you are angry that he hasn’t helped again.  My wife is the master of the soft sell.  We’ll be driving somewhere and she’ll bring up something she wants me to change ever so sweetly.  Then she reinforces it when it happening sweetly.  To finalize she brings it up every so often until she gets the desired results.  If all else fails treat us like Pavlov’s Dogs and reward us when we get it right with a treat.

2) If you have small children, should both parents (if there are two, of course) share the responsibility of getting the kids’ plates ready at dinner-time? Or do you think it’s perfectly acceptable for one person to serve themselves, sit down to eat, and leave the other person to ready the childrens’ plates (serving, cutting, etc.)?

You sure you are not my wife.  The fact that I think you might be my wife shows that you are not alone.  I am guilty of grabbing my plate and sitting down.  My wife is then left to get our daughter into the chair, cut up her food, and then get her own food ready.  I know misery loves company but probably not helping.

It is not acceptable if you don’t find it acceptable.  Much like I said above talk to him about it.  When I say talk I can not stress enough to not do it when you are angry or you will come off as nagging or worse talking down to him.  This will have the opposite reaction you are looking for.

Another tactic is to ask for help.  Guys love to be the hero (just ask my wife how often I play up the hero bit in our house) and rescue our ladies from peril.  The peril can be an attacker, rough bill collector, or dirty dishes.

3) Is it REALLY a male gene that prevents them from finding ANYTHING in the fridge or pantry if it’s behind something else?

YES! Just kidding.  For me personally this comes down to two things.  One when I was younger I fell into the habit of saying, “Mom where is the juice?” and she would come find it for me.  It naturally went progressed that way once I got married.  I even lived by myself for a number of years and I look back and not sure how I ever found anything.

Secondly, I am a creature of habit.  If the beer is supposed to be on the top shelf on the right hand side towards the back and it gets moved to make room for milk then I am lost.  I am not sure if you husband is the same way or not but if something changes I am screwed.  Rather than search for it, I call out and ask.  In my head, she moved it and will know where it is.

Bottom Line: I am not sure how you are trying to fix this but remember kill them with kindness, you catch more bees with honey, or whatever cliche you want to use.  If you nag us like you are our mommy then we tune you out.

Your questions have given me a lot to think about in my own marriage.  I appreciate you asking.

Thanks for bringing some of my faults to my attention.  Just like last week, this was a great exercise or me because it made me take a look at myself.  I am going to work on eliminating some of the negative aspects of being married to me, the Original Daddy Blogger.  I am heading over to MommaDJane to check out the woman’s view point on this.

Have a topic or question you would like to hear our views on? Have you always wanted to hear both sides of a topic or answers to a question, unbiased? You can submit topics or questions via comments or even anonymously to buckdaddy@buckdaddyblog.com. We will pick questions at random and blog on one topic per week.=

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