I used to be excited when I heard that friends or family were pregnant. A new baby! A new life coming into the world and all the joys and wonders that come with it. High five!
But then we adopted. We learned about the millions of children in the world who for whatever reason need a family. We learned about foster kids who age out of the system and have to face a world full of rejection alone. We learned that we could be a family for those kids. And suddenly any other choice seemed selfish.
So now when friends and family announce that they’re pregnant, I have to muster up some excitement. A part of me is disappointed: Really? Pregnant? Why didn’t you adopt? I’m a pregnancy party-pooper.
I hate feeling that way. I’d rather just be excited. But I can’t help it. Adoption is such an incredible opportunity—I want everyone to consider it.
I realize that adoption isn’t for everyone. Some people think a genetic connection is necessary to truly love their children (I don’t get that, but I accept it—if someone really feels that way they shouldn’t adopt). Some people aren’t prepared to handle the challenges of adoption (though biological parents need to be prepared to face the same challenges). There are a thousand reasons not to adopt and nobody should be pushed into it. Adoption isn’t for everybody.
I get that. But I’m still disappointed. I want people to adopt. I want those kids to have families. Adoption isn’t easy. It’s a lot of hard work and there are a lot of hurdles and challenges in place that keep it from being an easy decision. And adoption isn’t perfect. Everyone involved in adoption—the birth family, the adoptive family and the child—is experiencing pain and loss. In an ideal world kids wouldn’t need to be adopted. But it’s not an ideal world and kids do need families.
I just wish more people would consider it. Adoption is surprisingly common—60% of Americans have had a personal experience with adoption (meaning that they themselves, a family member or a close friend was adopted, had adopted or made an adoption plan for a child). Ask around and you’ll be surprised at how frequently it comes up. But as common as adoption is, it’s still not people’s first choice. The biological way of making babies is pretty standard. It’s cheap, it’s easy and it’s fun. In comparison choosing to potentially spend thousands of dollars, wait long periods of time and invite strangers to examine your home and parenting style seems kind of crazy.
Adoption isn’t easy or perfect or the standard—but it’s good. And it’s so necessary.
Congrats on the baby. I do mean it and I am happy for you. But next time around? Please consider adoption.
Kevin D. Hendricks is a work-at-home dad and author of a new book, Addition by Adoption: Kids, Causes & 140 Characters
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A very interesting guest post, and honestly something that has crossed our minds. Thank you for posting this.
.-= BenSpark´s last blog ..How to Be Everywhere =-.
Hey you should adopt some babies that will be murdered this year by your awesome political voting record, and then tweet about how great you are for doing it. Hey, they could even be black babies since Planned Parenthood has twice the facilities in Urban areas, of course it goes against their goal of population control of people of color. That would be soooo awesome of you, you are so benevolent and so much better than the rest of us. They should name a street after you.
As someone who knows several couples struggling and failing to go the “cheap and easy” route of conceiving I find this posting repugnant and morally reprehensible. The thought that anyone would hold in higher regard an action that is both politically motivated and done in an effort to make ones self appear to be firmly in control of the moral high-ground is laughable. I would surmise the guest poster sits in whatever form of self-assurance he manages to obtain while looking down his nose at unwashed masses that are fulfilling their “genetic connection” while staring lovingly at his “child-by-proxy”. You sir are a joke.
Pregnancy is a choice. Adoption is a choice. And the decisions leading to either choice in ANY circumstance is only going to involve the people directly involved, it’s not up to you to lecture us as to which is more appropriate to consider. Do us all a favor, hike back up whatever ivory tower you deigned to leave to present us with your enlightened opinion. We’re capable of making our own decisions without your lectures.
I’m sorry. In my haste to express my feelings and frustrations I think I said some things a little too cavalierly. “Cheap, easy and fun” is clearly in poor taste and I apologize.
On my own site I offer some further explanation of this confession.
.-= Kevin D. Hendricks´s last blog ..Adoption Should Be Normal =-.
I’m not saying adoption is bad, but it’s not normal. Having your own babies is natural and biblical. There shouldn’t be MORE adoptions, there should be less unwanted babies. Judaism calls for us to protect life, protect children, feed them, and teach them, they are our future. Child birth, procreation, etc, is at the very foundation of judaism for a good reason, read a bible lately? Just sayin. I know thats what you are trying to with both of your kids. . . but, why brag about it so much?
If you are going to crusade for something, why not crusade for a society where there are less unwanted babies? Where there is less abortions? Less oppressive tax systems, entitlement programs, and policies that keep people in poverty so they can take care of their own children? Why not crusade for people to be more capable of keeping their own babies? And crusade for them to be able to raise them properly?
Instead of patting yourself on the back every five minutes why not put up or shut up. Adopt, do what God leads you to do, and don’t brag about it, just do it, and if you care so much, why not identify the real issue that is causing so many children to be born unwanted, and so many more to be murdered? And do something about that?
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